Love after sunset

by Angela Guillaume


Being a writer of romantic fiction I tend to like browsing the Romance section in bookstores, just to see what the trend du jour is. As some may already know, at the present time werewolves, shape shifters and vampires pretty much rule the roost. Every writer on the planet seems to be cashing in on the paranormal bandwagon; including writers who had previously plied readers with tales from another era, for example, such as Christina Dodd.

Trends are a common part of life and this post wants to discuss another trend, which however may not be a trend at all - but I’ve been noting some subtle ripples in recent times which encompass not only dollops of this particular subject in books but in other media such as film. It is a topic which is not often talked about but it’s there, hovering over us in some ways, and at a certain point in our lives, I presume we’ll be living it or wanting to live it.

I’m talking about middle-aged and more so, elderly love. Yes. You read that right. Elderly love.

There are authors who courageously tackle this theme of middle-aged or elderly love—even in the erotic romance genre! Robin Schone, for example, loves to write about not so young couples (e.g. A Man and a Woman, The Lady’s Tutor, Scandalous Lovers). There is an entire series of books titled Oh Yum! published by mega e-publisher Ellora’s Cave where the central premise involves an older woman having a romance with a younger man. And these books are not for the faint of heart; they are steamy and explicit!

If you really think about it, the notion is not that far fetched, is it? Love is not only the prerogative of teens and young people. Reaching 40 does not signify that one has come to the end of the Love Highway. For some people, in fact, life is just starting at that age. Nabokov’s Lolita controversially put the spotlight on the obsession for young flesh (to put it mildly). Here, we’re going to the other end of the spectrum — we’re faced with two people in the sunset of their lives who engage in a romantic relationship and… dare I say it… even sex.

You may grimace at the thought but truly, there is a market for all this. Millions of senior citizens who want to read and see that their life still has meaning and that they can still do the things they did in their young lives—and perhaps be happier doing them than they ever did.

According to a certain blog, there seems to be a common misconception about elderly people and love which is divided into two parts:

(1) that people past their 50th year are not sexually active; and
(2) that elderly people are not romantic.

As books, film and TV are trying to tell us, the above two misconceptions are just that: misconceptions. Let’s discuss some examples…

The first time I was introduced to this notion that senior citizens can actually have some fun and not just lie around popping arthritis pills was when I saw the movie Cocoon. In this movie one finds a bunch of adorable, quirky old gaffers and gals who stumble into what they believe is the Fountain of Youth and a close encounter with an alien. We watch them party and have fun and do youthful things as they are rejuvenated after swimming in the pool. Whether you liked this movie or not, you may see it is not just a science fiction movie. Again, it’s a movie about people who want to believe that there is still much more left to do in their lives than just sit around moping and being… “elderly”. At the end of the movie, most of the cast of characters (with the exception of two) leave Earth and get on the spaceship “with the Antereans to their homeworld, where they will never grow ill, never age and never die.”

The movie In her Shoes (adapted from the Chick Lit book by Jennifer Weiner) skims over the topic of elderly love when we see an elderly Shirley Maclaine getting all dolled up for a date at a community for seniors, thanks to a stylish granddaughter with a flair for fashion. I thoroughly enjoyed the scene when the couple is dancing at the party… and our dear old gal Shirley looking gorgeous. It was positively endearing!

Then we have movies like The Notebook, adapted from Nicholas Sparks’ bestselling novel. Here we find a parallel plot acted out by James Garner and Gena Rowlands. In the movie, Gena’s character has Alzheimer’s and Garner spends the days reading to her a romantic story from a notebook, convinced that his reading will improve her memory even as she forgets her life. Here we find a tender connection between two people, driven by the belief that love is the strongest of all emotions and can heal our wounds. Love and hope are what we clutch on to in the face of adversity, what keeps us grounded when we lose our very selves. Romantic, eh?


Let’s move on to one of the most recent movies to hit the big screen: Love in the time of Cholera – which, again, is adapted from Gabriel García Márquez’ book of the same name. In this movie/book we find a man who is rejected by the woman he loves and spends 50 years engaging in hundreds of trivial affairs until he finally professes his love for her at her husband’s funeral. Finally, in their old age, their love blossoms. According to Wikipedia, this is a story of the “enduring power of true love.” But I think perhaps it’s more than that. Perhaps only at a certain age in life do we realize the value of certain things. Can anyone love better than when they’ve reached a point in life when they can look back and truly understand things? This movie convinces us that there is a wonderful nuance to old age which we cannot possibly possess in our youth.

The highly acclaimed independent film, The Visitor, is a tale about the unlikely friendship between a disillusioned 60 something college professor, Walter, (played by Richard Jenkins) who lost his zest for life and a young Syrian musician (Tarek, played by Haas Sleiman, who had a 3 time appearance on 24 and cameos on Navy NCIS and Veronica Mars) who lives in the States illegally. The subplot, however, relates to the budding romance between Walter and Tarek’s mother Moona (wonderful, beautiful Middle Eastern actress Hiam Abbas). The relationship is consumed sexually, although the story focuses more on their growing emotional bond through the trials and tribulations imposed upon Tarek when his illegal status catches up with him.

There are so many movies that present this type of main or sub-plot. A Previous Engagement is about a woman in her 40s (Juliet Stevenson) who talks her husband into taking a vacation in the Mediterranean island of Malta (my country of origin, by the way) so she can hook up once more with her first love (Tchéky Karyo). This movie tackles the complex issues of the love triangle and adultery in a tragicomic way with a mature cast.

When watching television, all we need to do is switch to the Lifetime channel in the afternoons or evenings. There’s often a movie involving a romance between a middle aged couple. Or we can watch a soap opera, where we can see all the characters, be they young or old or any age in between, dip their taste buds in the dish of amour. I wonder when prime time TV will start offering something for this niche market. Perhaps it already does but I can’t think of anything. I’m completely drawing a blank here. Any suggestions?


Now – let’s come to the fun part. The SEX! I have discovered that there is such a niche as sex for senior citizens. Discomfiting as the thought may seem to a green person, it is a cool reality which shows us there is much to look forward to as we get older.

First of all, we have the dating scene, and it appears that there are quite a few sites which cater to dating for the elderly, such as Senior Singles Only, Senior Friend Finder and Dating for Seniors. There are even websites dispensing dating advice for the more mature and even elderly audience, such as Finding Love after 50. So it seems there’s always hope for us after all. It is a soothing thought. Go figure!

Do you remember those corny sex comedies from the late 70's through the 80’s? Movies like Porky’s and Animal House? Today, they’ve been with flicks such as American Pie and are usually targeted to a teen/college age market. Well, apparently, there is such a type of movie involving elderly folks and it’s called Never Again. I haven’t seen the movie but the description says that at one point one of the characters even dons a strap-on dildo in this slapstick romp. At this point, I’m not sure I want to see it, but there are other, more sophisticated movies which include “steamy” sex scenes between seniors. One such example is Innocence, a romantic story about “an elderly couple who rekindle a 40-year-old romance.” Again, I have not seen this movie but it has received some positive reviews.

Most of us have seen movies such as The Full Monty and a similar but more refined vibe in the female version, Calendar Girls. These movies want to tell us the stories of not so young individuals who want to lay aside their routine lives and do something outrageous. And in the end, they pulled it off quite nicely! The message is: one is never too old to truly live.

Even Bollywood admits that love has no age. Check out this article which discusses this very topic.

Then we find those movies where older men fall in love or become obsessed with younger women. I’ve mentioned Lolita above, but there are scores of examples. We see this all the time with aging movie stars such as Clint Eastwood, Steven Seagal, or Sean Connery who are somehow always paired up with young, beautiful women in their movies. A movie star like Harrison Ford still wants to jump off trees and dangle off ropes in Indiana Jones.

We also find some movies where older women are paired with younger men but these are few and far between and don’t always end well (if ever) – that is the girl doesn’t always get the boy as in the case of the men. The glass ceiling still exists now, but there are a few examples such as Helen Mirren and Cuba Gooding Jr. in Shadowboxer (transcending both age AND cultural barriers, as well as, some may think, moral ones) or the theme of jealousy when an older woman dotes on a younger man who, in turn, befriends another woman who is closer to his age in Ladies in Lavender.

Now, we come to the coup de grâce. Porn by seniors. I did not state “for seniors” but “BY seniors”. Japan is leading the pack here with its slew of sophisticated adult movies featuring 73-year old porn actor Shigeo Tokuda who veritably sizzles on the screen with his suave moves and debonair attitude with the ladies. His movies are very much in demand on the Japanese market. Basically, he is not only just a porn actor, he is a porn STAR. Tokuda’s wife and daughter have given him their blessing to act in these steamy movies and he does it with relish. After retiring, he was left with nothing to do. Rather than deal with depression, he did what anyone would do, right? He started doing porn. He says of his new job as a porn star: “This is my second life. I don't know how long I can keep living, but I want to enjoy the rest of it." He also says he wants to work in the biz until he’s 80 or even older.

One interesting point brought out by the article is that, “Japan does have a higher percentage of people over the age of 65 than any country in the world” and the production company is “targeting the elderly audience and considering selling videos in retirement homes.” The U.S. porn industry was so impressed that they decided they wanted a piece of the pie. They closed a deal to bring Tokuda’s movies to the U.S.

Tokuda says he wants to “give it all until the end.”


So did you think seniors didn’t have dirty minds or that they didn’t think about love? Think again. The message is there—in books, movies, TV, and in that not to be forgotten sub-culture which consists of people who are living the middle and later stages of their life, after the sunset. Thus, to everyone who had the perseverance to read through this entire blog I say: keep loving each other like you did way back when you first laid eyes on one another, or if you’re alone right now, keep the company of someone who can make you smile and your heart flutter with life; keep releasing those endorphins and stay happy. Make the most of this world. To all movie makers I say: keep making those movies that celebrate life and love, and make people feel that they can have it all, no matter what age they are.

There's nothing at all to be ashamed of.